The weekend

We had a good, fast-paced weekend.



Friday was a busy day at work. I work at SECU and we had member appreciation day with our kid's mascot FAT CAT (my manager, haha) in attendance. Kyla brought Addison to see him and to eat lunch with Mommy. We had so much fun. She was intrigued with FAT CAT and wasn't scared of him until she saw him take his head off. She still didn't cry or scream but she ran up to me and held onto me for dear life. I held her and she refused to move at all in my arms, just clinged onto me. It was cute. As soon as he put to costume head back on she was fine and even was "calling" (here, kitty, kitty, kitty...) him to get his attention. Addison also decided that it was great fun to walk around from person to person begging them for "bips" (chips) and "tuk-dies" (cookies).



My Mom turned 50 last week and we had a small family dinner to celebrate then. What she didn't know was that my dad, sister and I were planning a surprise party for her for this past Saturday. Kyla and I were busy planning, buying and preparing food and decorations for the party and my mom couldn't figure out why we were hanging out so much and not cluing her in to what we were spending our time doing. I just knew that she would figure it out because she always figures things out early. But she ended up not having a clue about it and we really got her good! It was fun and I hope that she enjoyed it!



Later Saturday night we went to a friends house for an early Halloween costume party. First we went to Jordan's sister's house and put Addison to bed there. She only lives a few houses down from the party. Jordan went as Caesar complete with toga, wrist bands and headband and I was a black cat, although I think it looked a bit more like cat woman. I'm not really into costumes for adults (mostly because the woman's costumes are all so, so trashy and I'm not very creative to be able to come up with my own ideas) so I didn't have any old costumes laying around or any inclination to buy one so I wore dark jeans, tall, black boots, a black turtleneck then added a cat mask and tail. Yeah, it was kind of cheesy but I figure I can wear it again when we take Addison trick or treating because she's going to be a kitty cat (white and pink and super cute!). Also in attendance were a witch, a monk, a Scotsman (in a kilt), a policeman, Betty from the Flintstone's (adorable), a nerd girl, and my favorite, Russel and Walter from the movie UP!. They were so, so cute. The girl was Russel with the little boy scout uniform and backpack with balloons tied to it and her boyfriend was Walter with baby powered hair and walking stick with tennis balls on the ends. They just needed a big bird named Kevin and a golden retriever named Dug and they would have had the whole cast!



The party was fun! We ate and played games and watched funny you-tube videos. A few of my friends were there and we broke off from the party and were having some great girl talk. Right in the middle of laughing and having fun I kind of sarcastically joked something about how I should have been pregnant and had to have been dressed as a big pumpkin. I normally don't talk much about my miscarriage and I'm still not really sure why anything about it came out of my mouth but when it did, all of a sudden I was sobbing. I felt so bad for being a downer, but those girls, Kirby and Katie, were so sweet and supportive. They embraced me and talked to me and we all shared different struggles that we are all facing. I'm actually kind of glad that I had my mini-break-down because I obviously needed to get it off my chest right then. I also feel like it brought us closer. We have decided that we need to start having a "girl's day/night" at least once a month and the first one is scheduled for this weekend. I'm excited about it!



I feel fine most of the time even though I still think about losing the baby and not being pregnant a whole lot, I'm just not letting it consume me. I have so many positive things in my life and so many blessings to count from God. I know that no one expects me to "be over it" and I'm still grieving, but sometimes the grief just sneaks up on me. Friday was National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. So I was thinking about it even more than normal but didn't really make myself the time to process it. I was so busy and consumed in party planning and costuming and taking care of Addison that I didn't really let myself "go there". I also think I was trying to avoid it. I have such conflicted feelings because I want to be over it (although I know I never will be) but I also feel bad if I'm not thinking about it and still grieving. I think of the women and families that have lost babies multiple times or other family members that they really knew and loved and I feel that what they are going through has to be worse than what I'm going through. But I guess grief is what it is in any circumstance and maybe it's like sins. Although we want to see it that way, no one sin is any worse than another sin in God's eyes. As humans we like to add degrees to everything or turn it into a "good" to "bad" scale. Maybe it's to make more sense of things and add organization or maybe just to make ourselves feel better about things we have done... I don't know.



I'm rambling...again. This was supposed to be about the weekend and yet I've made it about grief, like I always end up doing. I really am doing much better and I'm happy.



Our weekend was a good one, even if I just laid around the house Sunday afternoon and got nothing better done than catching up on watching my DVRed shows. :) I have a huge pile of laundry to do, but that's okay!

*I have some pictures to add but I can't get it done at the moment so I may come back and update. Or I might just do a separate post... Stay tuned. :)*